swirls of purple

2002-09-12T14:17:00.000Z

Hey, look, I'm back!

I've been hanging out over at Xanga for the past few days, since I got home, where you can find me as 'Lilla', but I intend to start updating here again as much as I can remember to. Getting back into the way of remembering to check my e-mail every day, and to update blogs etc. isn't as easy as you'd think it'd be. I've missed being online, but at the same time, after three months I've grown accustomed to not having constant net access. That I can check my mail anytime I want isn't something that instantly occurs to me. I'll get back into the habit though, I'm sure.

In the next couple of weeks I'll decide what I'm doing with my blog - whether I'm going to maintain this blog as well as a xanga, or streamline them both into one. I'm not yet sure. Anyway, I've missed you guys, and it's nice to be back.

And just in case Shan, Kate, or Laurie are reading this - RIDE THE TWINKIE!!!

2002-07-19T20:59:00.000Z

I don't know if anybody still reads this, or if all you smart people have said "she's not updating" and stopped checking, but I just thought I'd check in while I have a chance and let you know I'm still alive.

Work is boring, but what work isn't. The town is nice, if small, and I've met some lovely people.

Off to Cincinnati for ScaperCon on Thursday! Wheee!!!

2002-06-13T02:05:00.000Z

Well, I'm here. Washington DC.

It's incredibly warm here - warm in the way that you can feel the texture of the heat in the air when you breathe. People from around here would probably think I was nuts, but it's a totally different atmosphere to the UK.

There's too much to say to begin to say anything, really. We've seen some lovely places - NYC, Philadelphia (a little dull, but pretty to look at), and now Washington. We have until Saturday to do all the stuff here, the Capitol, the White House, the Hoover Building etc. Although I found out today that the White House is no longer doing tours, and has not updated its website in a hell of a long time.

Ate dinner in a lovely little tex-mex place tonight, and have been reading "Holiday In Death" in the living room type place in the hostel for the last hour or so. It's nice to relax for a little while, and I'm definitely looking forward to not having to carry my rucksack around tomorrow.

[soundtrack: there's a basketball game on TV, it may or may not be the Lakers...]

2002-06-09T20:56:00.000Z

"She believed in nothing; only her skepticism kept her from being an atheist"
Jean-Paul Sartre

Somebody tell me how I can make that into a fic. I love it.

Thanks, McB, for the link.

2002-06-09T20:19:00.000Z

So, this time tomorrow I'll be pretty close to landing in NYC. I'm excited, really I am, but at the moment it's being buried underneath my obsessive need to double check I've packed everything every five minutes. As usual, I'm convinced I've forgotten something vital, and I won't remember what it is until I'm soaring over the Atlantic.

I'm not sure about this 'no computer for three months' thing. Especially because I haven't finished my Wing Swing fic yet. Unless I can finish it tonight I'll need to do the rest of it longhand and then find a computer to type it up on once I get there. And Plums... Tea, what are we gonna do about Plums?!

Okay, chill. I'm going to have a fabulous three months in the US of A. Quit being neurotic.

Oh, hey! nostalgia wrote me birthday West Wing slash. Go here and read it. And give her some feedback! Thank you, darlin' ;-)

[soundtrack: i won't dance - will young]

2002-06-05T22:56:00.000Z

'No human being, to my knowledge, has ever been forced to look at the person they love through a force field, knowing that one or both of them is facing imminent death. I just love the way they are nose-to-nose and can't touch each other.'
Martin Wood on "Divide and Conquer"

2002-06-05T22:34:00.000Z

::yawn::

Spent today in town with Ellie, which was nice except for the fact that we were both practically asleep on our feet. I missed my train coming home though, and had to wait half an hour for the next one, which resulted in me going to FOPP and buying the Norah Jones album, then going to HMV and buying the Pop Idol album. Missing trains is bad for my bank balance (which is already in the minus figures!).

I have this feeling that there was something actually interesting that I was going to say here today, but damned if I can remember what it was.

[soundtrack: i get a kick out of you - pop idol album]

2002-06-04T13:01:00.000Z

I haven't been online in five days. I haven't checked my e-mail, I haven't read fic (well, I perused a couple that live on my hard-drive, but other than that...). It's irresponsible of me, because I'm supposed to check location and approve members for SJUK, which I obviously haven't done in almost a week, but part of me thinks it's a good idea sometimes to just live in the 'real world' for a few straight days at a time on occasion.

Birthday was fun, I guess. Somewhat uneventful, despite all the celebrations planned (another going on tonight), although I did have a good day on the actual day. Thanks for that, Ellie and M. Sorry I made you make decisions though.

I set all my mailing lists to 'no mail' this morning, getting set for going away next week. A couple may make it back onto digest when I get to Lake George and find out what the mail checking situation's going to be like, but at the moment I'm getting reading for a list-free summer. It'll be strange.

People who want to contact me while I'm away, btw, can do so on a different address than usual. I've created a new account to keep private mail separate from list mail, so if you want to talk to me - and please do - you can do so at cartouche@softhome.net

[soundtrack: i'm not in love - tori amos]

2002-05-26T19:50:00.000Z

There are all these fic ideas floating around in my head. Some of them are more concrete than others, but they're all there, and they all want to be written. I don't have time to write them now because of my exams, and then I'll have just over a week before I go to America.

I won't get them all written in that time, because I have to sit my driving test and I have to get ready for three months in another continent, then there are three months during which I won't have a computer... I can't write fic longhand anymore, it just doesn't work, and so I can hear the collective screams of around 10 fic ideas all dying of suffocation.

Fun.

[soundtrack: letters - stroke 9]

2002-05-26T16:20:00.000Z

I watched "Window of Opportunity" last night, just before I went to bed, and about five minutes ago it all came back to me suddenly and I desperately wanted to start spinning on my chair.

Damn the library for having swivvel chairs at the study carrels. Although, they are more comfortable than the crappy old chairs at the computers, where I'm sitting now...

Anyway, I managed to resist spinning, and went for a little walk to the computers instead. In 25 minutes I get to go buy a sandwich from Tesco. I wasn't born for a regimented life.

[sountrack: a million and one keys tapping]

2002-05-25T20:49:00.000Z

Written longhand in the university library at 3:40pm today:

My first exam is the day after tomorrow, and I'm starting to get that slightly nauseated feeling that comes from knowing in your bones that you haven't learned enough and, no matter how hard you try now, there isn't enough time left to rectify it.

Five hours in the library today, and it's nothing but it feels like years. Reading my e-mail on a library computer, watching the clock on the wall opposite me. Pens on paper, pages turning, sweet wrappers rustling, fizzy juice bottles exhaling. I know it's a cliché, but the silence is so loud.

I should be be studying, but I can't stop writing - fic outlines, lists of things I want for my birthday, this... I'm using my Liberty Club pen, just because I adore the irony.

"When bad men combine, the good must associate." - Edmund Burke. Heh. Okay.

It's Saturday. I shouldn't be here on a Saturday.

[soundtrack: how you remind me - nickelback]

2002-05-24T14:09:00.000Z

I passed my mock driving test!! 9 minor faults, which is within the margin of error you're allowed.

Now I just have to do the same thing on the actual test.

That could be harder...

[soundtrack: it's raining men - the weather girls]

2002-05-23T15:34:00.000Z

Oh, sometimes you just have to laugh.

Apparently there's been an amnesty on St. Andrews University students (I assume by the police). They want us to return anything we've stolen throughout the year - traffic signs, shop signs, traffic cones etc. - and there will be no repercussions.

The thing is, this gets me thinking. I've never heard of anything like this happeneing anywhere else, and I don't think that's just because I go to this uni and so heard more about it here. It was on the radio, for crying out loud! Are there an undercover gang of kleptomanical subversives operating out of my university?

Food for thought.

[soundtrack: sing - travis (god, sometimes i hate the radio!)]

2002-05-22T19:48:00.000Z

I have this uncontrollable urge to write fic using these lyrics:

"this time tomorrow i'll be gone, the more it hurts the more it works, mercurocrome"

I don't know what the hell mercurocrome is, but my Watershed obsession is growing and growing and growing and...

As a side note, what the hell is up with the weather here?! It's been vacillating between bright sunshine and rain all damn day!

[soundtrack: mercurocrome - watershed]

2002-05-22T12:36:00.000Z

Blogger was being very, very strange yesterday. Couldn't get to my page at all, then discovered that the only way to get it to work was to go and republish it. So it appears that blogger just randomly lost all the blogs. They all started to appear again after whoever owned each one republished it. Hmm.

Spent last night checking the Wolf Events page for updates after a rumour that a new guest for SG-5 was going to be announced. So far nothing, and yet I'm finding myself there again, refreshing every five minutes. Obessive compulsive? Moi?

I have to study to LM1006 today - that's introduction to logic, with all the stupid symbols that I don't understand. Gagh.

[soundtrack: in the meantime - watershed]

2002-05-21T22:04:00.000Z

testing, testing...

2002-05-21T10:32:00.000Z

Thanks Christine. There's nothing like pointless surveys to distract me from philosophy.

1. My name is - boring. I wish my parents had been more inventive.
2. I may seem like -- my life revolves around television and the internet.
3. But I'm really -- more diverse than you'd think.
4. People who know me think I'm -- obsessive.
5. If you knew me you'd probably -- tell me to work harder.
6. Sometimes I feel -- far too tired to be natural.
7. In the morning I -- groan and fall asleep again.
8. I like to sleep -- for as long as possible.
9. If I could be doing anything right now I would be -- driving across America in a green thunderbird convertible with Alice Cooper's "Lost In America" on the stereo really, really loud...
10. Money is -- not really as important as it's become.
11. One thing I wish I had is -- willpower.
12. One thing I have that I wish I didn't is -- a sore throat.
13. All you need is -- love. Dun, da dun, da da. Yeah. Right.
14. All I need is -- a break.
15. If I had one wish it would be -- wasted on something stupid, probably.
16. Love is -- elusive.
17. My body -- waits until important times to get sick.
18. If an angel flew into my window at night I would -- probably sleep through it unless it made a lot of noise.
19. If a demon crashed into my window I would -- scream.
20. If I could see one person right now it would be -- Teryl Rothery, so I can find out if she's as small as she looks.
21. Something I want but I don't really need is -- a dvd player.
22. Something I need but I don't really want is -- to pay my visa bill.
23. I live for -- around 70 or 80 years, then I die.
24. I dare you all to -- talk to a stranger.
25. I am afraid of -- getting lost in America this summer.
26. It makes me angry when -- many, many things happen.
27. I dream about -- diverse and strange things that I don't remember when I wake up.
28. I daydream about -- all the disgustingly sappy fic situations that I would never dream of writing down, but keep in my head for entertainment.

2002-05-21T00:40:00.000Z

My latest fic is finally out there - the West Wing/Stargate SG-1 crossover. It's called "A Sloe Comfortable Screw"

It was meant to be part of Lara's birthday present, and hey, it's only two days late!

2002-05-20T15:35:00.000Z

Thanks to Stephen Darwall, whose philosophy homepage has made him my new favourite person, for this link to The Dialectizer

It was a nice diversion from John Locke, yet disguised as study, to find this link on an academic site.

2002-05-19T23:56:00.000Z

X-Files Shrine Video Clips

If you're saying goodbye to the X-Files tonight too, but you're not in the US to see it, go here for some clips.

2002-05-18T10:50:00.000Z

"She fucked aardvarks truly." - from the pornolized version of Where The Earth Should Be.

The internet scares me.

[soundtrack: but i do love you - leann rimes]

2002-05-17T11:18:00.000Z

Today's my last full day at home before the exams, before the summer. My dog's a wreck. I've had her since I was 5 years old, and she's just old now. She sleeps all day, can barely get off her bed to go downstairs and doesn't even seem to care. She's too deaf and blind to recognise me. Letting her go on living is cruel, because this isn't a life.

At first Mum said I'd have to take her to the vet, because Mum would feel so guilty if she did it, but then she seemed to switch to "It'll be done by the next time you come home." I don't know what's going on. All I know is she's so thin, and when she's asleep she looks dead.

I keep thinking about euthanasia, and how absurd it seems that you can put an animal 'out of their misery', but humans are made to suffer to painful and inevitable deaths because the idea of killing a person, even for relief, is so unpalatable to so many. There's something wrong with the world's perception of mercy.

2002-05-16T22:29:00.000Z

From Teanna's blog - a site that makes poetry from a webpage.

This is the poem from In Memories:

In his eyes. smiled A lot
of her bedroom
and attached them, in a new
format
here, and getting closer and drink a lot
of beer called Guinness. not unlike the last
two steps to move.
towards her, Oh, Chakotay, could see right
through it was going
to stop. He managed to his face
for a moment it was trying
She stopping him.

2002-05-16T19:00:00.000Z

Had one of my least productive trips into town ever today. Borders was all out of In Death books, couldn't find what I wanted to get Lara for her birthday, wore the wrong shoes and ended up with sore feet, and had on my leather jacket, despite the temperature turning out to be about twice what I thought it was going to be.

Did get myself one thing though - The Mammoth Book of Lesbian Short Stories. Hee! Yes, I will be mocked, but yes, they are good stories. Especially one called "Magic Eight Ball" by somebody-I-can't-remember. I'm all inspired to finish my CJ/Sam Carter fic, so that, along with the other half of the bottle of wine I opened last night, may take the place of reading about innateness tonight. Fuck exams.

Allison Janney's latest (I think) Letterman interview was just on ITV2 over here. Am I the only one that didn't know that one of her hobbies is taking stripping lessons from Richard Schiff's wife every Saturday afternoon? She was all coy and embarassed when David Letterman kept asking her questions about it. Sweet.

[soundtrack: mercurochrome - watershed]

2002-05-16T01:12:00.000Z

Saw Kylie's new video on Sky today. Shock horror, she was wearing real clothes! Seriously, almost all of the flesh you usually expect to be covered was underneath clothes. I nearly fainted. Compare it to Holly Valance's video - I'm surprised she hasn't been fired from Neighbours yet.

And that is the substance of my entry. For Christ's sake! I was just saying to Laura that I don't feel like me here, and that I lose all communication skills when I go home. Expect something real on Saturday when I get back to St. Andrews.

2002-05-12T17:48:00.000Z

It was a lovely sunny day earlier today, the beach was full of people playing and sunbathing etc. Now it's clouded over and gotten windy. Yesterday evening was lovely, we went to the beach and buried each other in the sand, went in the sea (which was bloody freezing, but great fun) and played with M and Lara's bow-and-arrow sets.

Sometimes it's so much fun to just be five year olds instead of trying to be so mature. We got laughed at by the people from the house next door on our way back 'cause we were covered in sand and soaking we, but we didn't care. I'm sure we had more fun than they did yesterday.

Tomorrow I'm going home for a few days. I'll come back on Friday. Even though I'm going to have to study, I'm quite looking forward to just getting to spend some time somewhere with a couch and significantly more TV channels than we have here. Should be nice. Also, I can have those lovely danish pastries my dad buys for breakfast.

[soundtrack: lovers will - bonnie raitt]

2002-05-11T15:31:00.000Z

God, catch-up's a bitch!

Getting there though. And hopefully when I get out of the shower, somebody on samandjack will have recced me some good post-Entity fic.

[soundtrack: indigo girl - watershed <--- i adore this song beyond all sensible levels of adoration]

2002-05-09T23:27:00.000Z

Tonight was supposed to be great. Was looking great until rather near the end actually.

Can we have a round of applause please - Lil actually mustered the guts to do solo karaoke! "I'm a bitch, I'm a lover, I'm a child, I'm a mother..." I totally sucked at the beginning, at the more talky, less singy part, but M said I wasn't bad when I loosened up, around about the first chorus.

Lara, M and I did "Mamma Mia" first, followed by my Meredith Brooks stint, then later on Lara and M got up again and did "Sisters Are Doing It For Themselves". In some ways it was painful, but in other ways it was great. And, as Lara said, "We were great!" They had fun, so that's the important thing. Also, they had fabulous pseudonyms. You won't get it unless you go to uni here, but they made me laugh.

Ellie and I had a bit of a 'thing' afterwards though. I'm not really sure where it came from, suddenly, but I guess it's been brewing. She said a couple of things that worried me, but I tend to blow things out of all proportion in my mind. Thing is, I hate trying to talk things through, especially with people who are blatantly not 'talkers', because a) I never know what to say, and b) it's just a generally painful experience. That's why I came in really quietly, and about to sneak off to bed, as soon as there's nobody in the kitchen to see me do it.

[soundtrack: K is playing something in the kitchen, don't know what]

2002-05-07T21:24:00.000Z

And I'm back.

Had a lovely five days with Laura, filled with coffee, alcohol (Red Alert!!), dancing, sand, and more Stargate than you can shake a stick at. I don't understand that expression - why would I want to shake sticks at Stargate?! - but I like it anyway.

So now I'm back in St. Andrews. Feh. I love this place. It's so beautiful, and there's the beach right there outside my house, you can walk to anywhere you need to go... but nothing ever changes here. And lately I've been noticing that pretty much everybody seems to be in pissy moods a hell of a lot of the time. I've even been seeing K like that recently, which is unusual. S and M (whose initials should really never be put that way round, ugh - note to self...) were little rays of sunshine today, as has Lara been recently.

Anyway, tomorrow's the Philosophy Department Piss Up, sorry, 'Garden Party'. Last year's was great. I talked to a lot of people I'd never met before. Didn't keep up with any of them, but had a great night with them while it lasted. Also, there's loads of free alcohol, strawberries and cream, and stupid party games. As far as attendance, I'll try and drag M along again, and E will perhaps come, although she's not overly enamoured with the philosophy department. BH's all enthusiastic about it, and claims she's going to walk away with the 'fanciest accessory' prize. Other than that... we'll have to see. I'm looking forward to it though.

And just to change the subject totally, everybody in the world should watch "Entity" (SG-1 season 4) because Amanda Tapping is a goddess.

[soundtrack: charge - splendid]

2002-05-01T01:55:00.000Z

Ladies and gentlemen, Lilla has left the building.

I will be away until late Monday night, although I might get a few updates in from Laura's house. I can't wait to see her again, even though it's not been that long. Seems like ages!

::bounces::

Look out Southampton, here I come!!

2002-04-30T18:16:00.000Z

Well, at least Blogger seems to be working (what's that saying about counting chickens...?). Softhome seems to be in a coma, and therefore I can't get my e-mail. It's not even just sleeping, because I can't get my POP mail or go to the site and log in for webmail. Outlook just keeps saying this:

The host 'pop.softhome.net' could not be found. Please verify that you have entered the server name correctly. Account: 'pop.softhome.net', Server: 'pop.softhome.net', Protocol: POP3, Port: 110, Secure(SSL): No, Socket Error: 11001, Error Number: 0x800CCC0D

For some reason though, I'm not as stressed about it as I usually would be. I'm wearing my joggies, my JCUK t-shirt, and The Comfiest Sweater Known To Man (tm), and I'm about to really get going on that essay that freaked me out yesterday - this time from a much less caffeinated point of view.

There is, however, half a pot of coffee in the kitchen. I'm guessing that M made it before he went out and didn't have time to drink it all. I'm debating turning the hotplate on under it for later... All things in moderation ::g::

[soundtrack: tic toc tic toc tic toc...]

2002-04-30T00:26:00.000Z

I nearly had a psychotic meltdown earlier tonight, after drinking a pot and a half of coffee and sitting around stressing about an essay I have to write and a tutorial assignment I have to do. I couldn't make myself work, despite all the stuff I knew I had to do, and I just had it all sitting around me thinking "I have to do this" but not being able to start. The longer I left it before I started, the more freaked I got, but then all I could do was sit there and freak out.

M was so sweet, he tried to calm me down and make me relax, even though it didn't really work. I appreciated the thought. He worked out for me that, because of my first essay mark, even if I get a zero in this essay I'll still average enough to pass. He also then walked to town with me, let me rant and stress at him (talking a hundred miles per hour, 'cause of the caffeine), came to the library with me while I got short loan books, and took me to the 'Fun' Tudor and bought me a drink. The fact that all the "No to Nestlé" talk after Lara and EF arrived nearly made me cry with frustration was incidental. I did make a few good points, I think.

See, evenings like tonight are part of why I get so annoyed when people who don't know M like I do bitch about him. I know he can come over as abrasive, and I know he's not always as polite as he could be about things. I do even see why people don't always like him, but those people don't see how he can be. He always knows when there's something wrong with me. He doesn't always know what to do or say to fix it, but then he'll just give me a hug, or make me laugh. He's a sweetheart if you can get to know him, I just don't think all that many people do.

Anyway. Enough with the sycophantic rambles. I need to either do something constructive or else sleep.

Oh. I started my CJ/Sam Carter fic tonight. I really want to do this, because I like the idea, and I've sort of adapted a little of the dialogue so that it might work for Liz's cocktail challenge. Writing it relaxed me a hell of a lot, too.

[soundtrack: solitaire - the carpenters]

2002-04-29T00:15:00.000Z

Okay guys, straw poll (God, I've been spending too much time with M!) - I've changed 'strike a pose', to fit in the barbie pic that Liz said she didn't mind me using.

I need to know which was better. Barbie vs. The Cadillac, and not in a Celebrity Deathmatch sense.

Cast your votes now.

[soundtrack: faith of the heart - russell watson (so lara and i were watching enterprise, okay?!)]

2002-04-28T14:21:00.000Z

**Newsflash**

It's disconcerting to have your mother call you up and ask you what you're doing, when what you're doing is reading NC-17 femslash. Who'd've thought it?

She's coming to see me today, apparently. For a moment I was terrified that she was going to do one of those "guess who's at the door" phone calls, but it turned out she was calling to say she was about to leave. She lives over two hours away, so I have time to have a shower, vacuum my room, throw on some clothes that hide my tattoo...

I wish she'd give me proper advance warning!

[soundtrack: insatiable - darren hayes]

2002-04-28T11:35:00.000Z

Pancakes for breakfast, waking up to lovely drunken blogging from teanna... Despite all the work I have to do, this is a good day.

I didn't switch my computer on at all yesterday. Instead, I read "The Weight of Water" by Anita Shreve, talked to my friends, ate ice-cream, watched the "Stars in Their Eyes" final (an encore from last year's Dusty Springfield!). I did a hell of a lot less productive stuff than I should have, but I can live with that.

There's this pain in my back, just to the right of my left shoulderblade. Like a really tight muscle or something, and stretching won't make it go away. It's really starting to bug me, because turning my head hurts.

My blog is such a 'stream of consciousness' thing. Sometimes I think I should make an effort to go for structure, but can't quite bring myself to think before I type. If I do that I start to remember that this is for an audience, then I start to censor myself, or deliberately try to be funny or interesting. It doesn't work that way.

The songs from "Caberet" the other night have been going round my head for the last two days. They'd just started to go away until I saw Christine's comment on my earlier entry - "Vilkommen, bienvenue, welcome..." Thanks babe :-p

[soundtrack: two ladies - caberet]

2002-04-27T00:21:00.000Z

Fanfiction.net is sick and depraved.

And fucking hilarious.

Lara, Ellie and I found... wait for it... Sesame Street porn. Bert/Ernie slash. Ernie was an alcoholic, and Bert drowned him in the bathtub, even though he loved his fuzzy orange crotch.

The world scares me.

[soundtrack: soft whimpering]

2002-04-26T17:20:00.000Z

This is a quickie, because Ellie and I are off out to see a student drama group production of Cabaret, and I have to leave in five minutes.

A new charity shop opened in St. Andrews today, so K and I went up to town early to see if one of us could fit into, and then purchase, a dress we'd been coveting in the window all week. It had already been bought by the time we got there though, and we got there six minutes after the shop opened!! Still, I got a gorgeous dressing gown - grey silk, with black embroidery - and a great pair of grey trousers, for £5 total. Charity shops are great.

My day hasn't actually been hugely productive, although I did finally finish reading "The Thief and the Dogs". What a fucking depressing novel! I don't really understand why it won the Nobel Prize for Literature either, because I didn't think it was that great. I mean, it was fine, and probably much better than I could ever do, but still... It didn't jump out at me as worthy of an accolade like that. Maybe I'm missing something vital in it.

Anyway, while reading it in the Union today, I had one of those moments where I spontaneously start to lament that I've not been reading enough for pleasure (or for work, for that matter) recently, so after my classes I headed over to the library and picked up three novels. Got "The Weight of Water" by Anita Shreve (who I adore), "Starcrossed" by AA Gill (who writes a TV column in one of my Sunday newspapers, and has a hilarious sarcastic wit that I hope shows in his novels too), and "Under the Skin" by Michel Faber.

"Under the Skin" I picked up for no reason other than the cover intruiged me. People always say 'don't judge a book by it's cover', but I am totally susceptible to that. Give me a book with either an intruiging title, or a pretty, abstract sort of cover, and I'll almost definitely give it a go, even if the plot doesn't sound that great. This, however, sounds like it has it all - a title that makes me wonder, a great cover with a meandering highway on it, and a plot about a woman who obsessively compulsively pickes up hot male hitch-hikers. Sounds good, huh?

The blurb on the back calls it "Beautifully written, funny, macabre, and deeply affecting." And apparently it's "an outstanding piece of fiction that will stay with you long after you have turned the final page."

So. Good.

[soundtrack: katherine singing songs from Cabaret outside my door]

2002-04-24T20:58:00.000Z

I am so totally in love with this picture. If it weren't for the fact that it would look like I was copying Liz's barbie theme, I'd be changing my website design already.

Look at that hair...

[soundtrack: jaded - aerosmith]

2002-04-24T10:03:00.000Z

Hey, productive me! Been up for a couple of hours already, read three chapters of my Middle East book, checked my mail, taken the 'Which Voyager Character are YOU?' test, and read "Bring It On" slash.

Missy/Torrance. Now, Missy/Torrance would kick-ass beyond all normal ass-kicking boundaries, if it weren't for the fact that I've only managed to find three, and they all sucked.

Anybody with any recs, I'll pay in sexual favours.

[soundtrack: unchained melody - gareth gates]

2002-04-24T09:37:00.000Z

Which Voyager Character are YOU?

2002-04-23T20:17:00.000Z

Well, that was surreal. I was sitting in the kitchen with Ellie, K and LC when there was a knock at the door.

Christians.

From the Gatty Link Group. Wanting to do our washing up. Weird...

So we let them in, and they washed our dishes and wiped our counters. Apparently it was a gesture of God's love, or something like that. They gave us cookies too.

Heh.

[soundtrack: love's a loaded gun - alice cooper]

2002-04-23T15:52:00.000Z

Oh, and everybody check out the Wing Swing! It's going to be great fun, but only if people participate!

2002-04-23T15:51:00.000Z

It's sunny here, and I have daisies in my hair. Perhaps it's almost summer.

I got a 17 in my Locke essay about personal identity, which I'm totally bouncing-off-the-walls thrilled about! I'm not even that bothered that I only got a 14 in my Plato essay, because I was expecting to be lower in that one. I didn't put as much work in, and my tutor hates me anyway. Also, I tend to find with philosophy that the the older it is the less I like it, so when you're getting back to Plato and Aristotle I'm starting to yawn loudly.

Walking home earlier I had loads of things I planned to say as soon as I got to a computer, and now I can't remember any of them. Oh! Except for the bagpipes. I was going to bitch about the fact that, to get home, I walk past a man playing bagpipes on the path beside the beach! Now, I know that I live in Scotland, and a fairly quaint touristy part of Scotland at that, but (contrary to the opinions of a lot of the continent of North America) it is very rare to actually see somebody playing our national instrument. Which is good. Because I hate bagpipes! Grrr!!

Oh well, I'm still in a pretty good mood, despite all the things I have to do. For this evening I might try being disciplined, and just sitting down and actually doing the work, so that it's over with, and I can write later on, and perhaps make the JCUK chat.

[soundtrack: there are birds outside my window!]

2002-04-22T20:58:00.000Z

Ellie brought me Alice Cooper, "Classicks", back from London! She's a veritable font of CDs lately.

Thank you, sweetie! Mwah!!

[soundtrack: stolen prayer - alice cooper]

2002-04-22T20:20:00.000Z

I love to FROLIC with the elves

2002-04-22T17:50:00.000Z

I'm sitting in my room, waiting for T and D to get out of the kitchen so I can go make something to eat. Yup, I'm back to lingering until the kitchen's empty before I cook. At least this time it's not because of shyness, it's just that I really don't want to have to make the effort associated with conversation with D.

She's so damn antisocial, and she has this way - that Ellie and K have noticed too - of just looking at you like you're speaking Swahili when you ask her a question she doesn't want to answer. And believe me, she doesn't want to answer ANY questions! I mean, she's been at home ill for a few weeks, and she doesn't seem willing to answer a question as simple as "So how are you feeling now?" GOD!! Sometimes sharing a house is so frustrating! K and I were talking earlier about how we feel bad for saying it, but we wish she would just go home. It sounds like we're saying we wish she would get sick again, but that's really not what we mean. It's just that the house was so relaxed while she was away, and now that she's back I can feel the tension again, even when she isn't in the room. Even when she isn't in the house!

In happier news, I saw "Manchester" yesterday, both parts. CJ's little mini-freakout was even more 'mini' than I had expected, but still nicely done by Allison, and I adored the way they played Sam's turn-around about the apology. He can bitch at Jed, but heaven forbid the new girl does it. Talking of Connie - who I didn't hate, btw - does she remind anybody else of Nikki (or however the hell she spells it) from "Spin City"? Doug, I don't like, and Bruno mildly amuses me, so far.

The idea of just dumping the characters in there and spending at least an episode acting like they belonged before giving us any explanation of why they were there was an interesting way of introducing them. I'm not sure about anybody else, but I think it worked on me. I didn't feel instantly hostile, more curious actually.

[soundtrack: front row - alanis morissette]

2002-04-22T10:50:00.000Z

I quite possibly just failed a test for the first time in my life. It's a horrible feeling, not just the nerves before and after, but the actual sensation of sitting looking at a test paper and knowing that none of the questions make sense to you. It's not just the one you're looking at - turning the page won't make any difference. The paper is just covered in symbols that don't have any meaning, and for a moment you can't breath. I've never had that before. Higher maths came close, but at least I knew I could do at least half of the questions there, and I got my C. This one isn't going to work out as well.

Hugs to M, who is having a similar experience in economics as I type.

[soundtrack: the sound of a million keyboards pounding]

2002-04-18T20:20:00.000Z

My mother woke me at 9:20am this morning by phoning to tell me that she'd opened my mail (apparently by accident) and discovered about the BUNAC cheque that bounced. In her usual wonderful way, she managed to make me feel about five years old and utterly incompetant, while at the same time expressing roughly equal amounts of disappointment and anger.

This fabulous start to my day was followed by the Driving Lesson From Hell, where I displayed exactly how much of a nervous driver my mother managed to make me while I was at home last week. I've taken to driving along at 20mph, and doing everything so cautiously that DW started to get really frustrated with me. And rightly so - I didn't use to do that. Oh and, dammit, after all of her "you're too far to the left" nagging, I now drive too near to the center line.

I'm such a bitch though, because M came into my room when I got home, having just got out of bed, and wanted to moan about having a bad day, and I basically said in as many words "you haven't been out of bed long enough to have had as bad a day as me, so shut up". Which he did, graciously, and let me bitch for about twenty minutes. Sometimes he's a shit, but sometimes he's nicer to me than I deserve.

Aurora, "Dreaming", was on the radio while I was making my dinner. It has a line I adore, and that summed my feelings up nicely today - "I can walk on water, I just don't look down." One task at a time, make a list, don't think too much about anything. It's all about focus. Breathe.

[soundtrack: underneath your clothes - shakira]

2002-04-17T23:09:00.000Z

I had such an unbelievably crappy day today, and I was going to moan on about it for a paragraph of two here, but suddenly the day got better.

Firstly: Strike A Pose is up and running. I finally have a site with no ads, which I html'd myself! Thanks Teanna!!

Secondly: I thought M was in a huge strop, and was going to chew my head off because he heard me bitching to T about his mood, but then he came into my room in a surprisingly good mood. It cheered me up. I'm still trying to work out why I told him I was fine when he asked though. I usually tell him the truth.

[soundtrack: my obsession with 'beautiful garbage' continues - cherry lips (go baby go)]

2002-04-16T18:13:00.000Z

I got a start on my Stargate S/J epic today. It's going to take me a million years to write! The thing is, I've never excelled at plot. I much prefer to write little mood pieces, and vignettes were I can go inside the character's head and ignore the outside world. This piece is definitely a plot piece rather than a mood piece, and not only is that a whole hell of a lot more complex to plan out, it has to be written in a different way too, I've found.

Of what I've written so far, which is admittedly not much, I think I still err too much to the contemplative side. Moving the action along is going to be what I find hard. I have a feeling this is going to be one of those pieces that is being beta'd to death for months before I can even contemplate posting it. It'll be an accomplishment if I can do it though.

[soundtrack: breaking up the girl - garbage]

2002-04-15T20:31:00.000Z

I'm bored! I don't want to write about Aristotle's four notions of cause!

Which Rock Chick Are You?

"Fiction turns me on. I'm a Hentai freak!"

What's Your Fetish? Take the test at Nollykin's World

2002-04-15T19:23:00.000Z

Attention all UK-ers!! Tonight, Channel 4, 10:35pm - "The Truth About Lesbian Sex".

Hey, Teanna, what d'you think, can I call it research?

[soundtrack: somebody - depeche mode] <--- I'm in Ellie's room...

2002-04-14T23:05:00.000Z

I was just at the Save Janet Frasier site. Not quite as funny as the one they did for Chevron Guy, but still amusing. And I'm sure the people over at Save Daniel Jackson saw the funny side...

[soundtrack: my printer sounds like it plays the Haribo song]

2002-04-14T18:22:00.000Z

I noticed something about myself when I was eating my dinner tonight. When I feel that I've screwed up other aspects of my life (examples: spending all my money, failing to do any work today) I start to eat healthy food. Some kind of atonement? Perhaps I feel like if I can't do other things right, I don't deserve junk food.

Maybe I'm trying to show that I can still do some things right. I don't have any restraint when it comes to being careful with money, but I can have restraint over that chocolate bar. I can't make myself read Aristotle's 'Physics', but I can eat salad for dinner.

I'm going to go running tonight too - resume the exercise that I let get off schedule so easily when I didn't have a beach to run along.

It'll all stop when I get a job and start to feel in control again, but perhaps in that time I'll lose some weight and get fitter.

[soundtrack: hungry - kosheen]

2002-04-14T12:21:00.000Z

Ellie came into my room about fifteen minutes ago and offered me a bunch of free CDs. Her mum got them from work, loads of them, and Ellie let me pick through the ones she didn't want to keep.

I got a scary letter from the bank that I don't understand, but I also got a Melissa Etheridge single and interview CD, a Cher single, and an Amy Grant album, which made the letter less scary. Don't you just love free CDs?

[soundtrack: born to run - melissa etheridge]

2002-04-10T12:24:00.000Z

We're heading down to England to see my grandma today, until Friday, so I don't know if I'll be able to blog while I'm away. Will still be able to get e-mail though, and perhaps even have enough free time to get some writing done - as Amanda Tapping would say, "from your lips to god's ears". Apparently, I'm driving to Grandma's today. Not all the way, because I can't go on the motorway until I have my license, but a whole lot of the way is made up of 'A' roads or lower, which means my mother can sit back and let me do the work. She won't relax the entire time I'm behind the wheel though. Hee!

I got an e-mail back from the BUNAC people. Apparently, if my cheque bounced then they'll send it back to me in the mail and I'll have to write them another one. I'm not so sure now that it did actually bounce though, because my I had enough in my account to cover it. The reason I ended up overdrawn was because my driving instructed cashed two cheques that I gave him last week yesterday too, as well as a couple of other things that all went through unexpectedly at the same time. I think the BUNAC cheque might have been cleared, and the reason I ended up overdrawn was that I didn't have enough to cover that plus the other stuff. I'm hoping the woman at the bank just read it wrong. It wouldn't be the first time that's happened.

Very little productivity has gone on here today. I wanted to get up and watch SG-1 at 11am on Sky, then pack for Grandma's, and watch "The End of the Affair", which I taped last night and which I adore. However, I slept until 11:30am, which means I'll have to get Dad to tape SG-1 for me tonight when they re-run it at six, I've packed now, but I won't have time to watch the movie, and I'll probably have to let Dad tape over it tonight, unless I can find another tape.

[soundtrack: it's been a while - staind]

2002-04-09T16:45:00.000Z

I feel sick. I've fucked up, really badly this time. All these cheques have come out of my bank account all at once, I've paid my flight to Southampton by switch, my driving lessons... and I'm overdrawn. I don't even have a fucking overdraught facility (although this time tomorrow I will, the bank here have set one for me tonight but it won't be processed until tomorrow because St. Andrews is already closed). So, basically, my driving lesson cheques have bounced - that was an incredibly fun call to my instructor I got to make explaining that one - and probably also my cheque for my BUNAC flight. I've e-mailed them to find out what I'm supposed to do about that.

FUCK! I don't do things like this! I'm supposed to be fucking sensible! I don't understand it, seriously. Something must have come out of my account that I've forgotten about, because I haven't spent enough to have cleared it out. Just today I told my mum I was fine. I can't say anything to either of my parents about it, and I can't take anymore out of my savings account. It was supposed to be, well, saved, and I've already used over half of it. What am I going to do?

2002-04-07T14:03:00.000Z

HAPPY BIRTHDAY ELLIE!! ::pops party poppers, scatters balloons around, and opens the Alcoholic Irn-Bru::

I drove my mother to church today. Go me! The downside was that I had to actually then stay at church through the service because I can't yet legally drive home alone. Feh. Oh well, I got to drive home too, after standing by my car in the street for about half an hour, whilst hundreds of Sikhs walked along Albert Drive. Apparently, it's the Sikh New Year, and there was a huge procession thing. It was actually pretty interesting - loads of people all dressed in orange outfits and orange turbans, some of them playing drums, or other instruments. There were even about five or six guys in the middle of the procession with these razor-sharp ceremonial swords.

I actually really like it when something unusual like that happens - makes the world seem not so samey. Still, I was trying to get out of a parking space!

The website's coming on. I've got all my Voyager fic (at least, all the ones I'll still admit to!) and all my West Wing fic html'd, along with a links page, and a link to my blog. I just need to download FTP software and figure out how the hell to use it, then I'm all set. Teanna, you're an angel!

[soundtrack: superman - five for fighting]

2002-04-06T17:16:00.000Z

Two days in St. Andrews with nobody but M for company...

Actually, it was fine. We watched half of the first season of West Wing, and discussed what we were going to do after uni (neither of us really know).

Then I came home, and it was great, which surprised me. I don't relish coming home, although I don't hate it the way I did for a little while. We have Sky TV here, we have a bathtub, we have a coffee maker... although I'm stealing it for St. Andrews when I go back. However, I'm starting to remember the reasons I *don't* like being here for long periods of time:

* In St. Andrews I've never been requested/ordered to get out of the bath and stand around in a towel in the hall while my mother uses the bathroom.
* In St. Andrews I don't have to watch my dog slowly dying, and don't have the responsibility of being the one who's going to have to take her to get put down some time this week.
* My 'net access is limited here, because - I swear to god this is the truth - if I'm online late at night the typing is too loud and keeps my parents awake.

There are more, but I'm sick of whining. I get taken out to practice driving every day here, and my Dad is actually great. I'm surprised, because I assumed my mum would be better, but she just thinks I'm going to kill her the whole time we're in the car. My dad's really calm, and didn't get pissed when I stalled three times at traffic lights yesterday. The same traffic lights...

[soundtrack: how you remind me - nickelback]

2002-04-03T12:16:00.000Z

How much of a freak are you?

2002-03-31T23:51:00.000Z

Hypocrisy leaves a bad taste in my mouth.

I went to church this morning - guilt tripped into it by my mother - and just saying the words felt wrong. I know I don't believe it, but I didn't expect to feel bad about saying it. Hypocrisy just doesn't sit well with me.

I went jogging this evening too. Christine's been giving me all the tips I'll ever need (thanks!), so I donned my comfortable trainers and ran on the beach. It was actually very nice, in an exhausting sort of way. I'm so out of shape! However, if I keep at it, I should get better. Now just to solve the problem of the fact that every time I run my headphones fall out of my ears...

[soundtrack: the sounds of M and T screeching in the hallway...]

2002-03-30T19:43:00.000Z

The Queen Mother died today. I'm not particularly upset about it - I think I'm the wrong generation, although I know my Aunt I will be happy because she's a bitch, and for some reason hated the harmless old woman - but I feel like I should probably say something.

So I'm going to bitch about the BBC coverage of the announcement. Firstly, could Peter Sissons (sp?) be more incompetent?! All he said, over and over again, for about the first 20 minutes was "The Queen Mother has died. She died at 3:15pm at the Royal Lodge in Windsor. The Queen was by her mother's side." He then proceeded to ask insensitive questions of the members of the Royal Family who were good enough to talk to him.

I'm not a lover of the Royals, but jeez! Even if you don't like what the monarchy stands for, you show a little sympathy and sensitivity for people who've just lost a member of their family! Moron.

In local news, I spent the morning/early afternoon tidying and cleaning my room. I actually don't mind doing it, and sometimes I just get in the mood. It needed it badly this time, because I've been dropping papers, books, clothes etc. on the floor randomly for over a week. So I cranked up the music (sorry flatmates!!), rolled up my sleeves - metaphorically, anyway - and actually cleared the place out. I even through out a bunch of stuff I'd been keeping for no reason at all, like first year psych lab reports. I dropped the subject, there's no chance in hell I'll ever need them again, so they finally went into the big black bin bag.

Then I took my books back to the library, and dropped into S's flat. She wasn't there, I knew that, but my Urban Decay lipstick palatte-thingy was, and so was S's aunt, visiting, so I got my makeup back.

Ellie said I was turning into a girl, and I think she's right. The thought of going without a palatte of lipsticks for two weeks should not be such a worry idea, I'm sure.

[soundtrack: something inside so strong - labe siffre]

2002-03-28T18:47:00.000Z

Amidst all my Plato, slowly growing on the page (oh, so slowly...), I would like to thank makiko (I think I'm connecting a Farscape name with a West Wing name and finding they're actually one person...), for being somebody who still talks about Delenn.

[edited to add my favourite typo so far from this essay - "...the boy was unaware he was possessed." Was meant to be "...the boy was unaware he possessed." Oh, and to say that Boyzone is on the radio. Awwww.]

[soundtrack: in your eyes - kylie]

2002-03-28T18:17:00.000Z

My radio freakin' rocks today! Springsteen - Born to Run (my J/P fic song...), that song that goes "these are crazy, crazy crazy, crazy days" (if anybody knows the name of that song, please god take pity on my and let me know!), and now ABBA.

McB, wait for this, "The Winner Takes It All". I feel like I'm back in Prague with you and Allison doing hotel room karaoke.

"I don't want to talk..."

[soundtrack: the awsome Kingdom FM]

2002-03-27T18:18:00.000Z

Everybody who uses the comments feature from rateyourmusic.com appears to have lost their comments this afternoon.

I'd leave a comment on somebody's page to make sure they knew but... y'know.

[soundtrack: superman - five for fighting]

2002-03-27T10:05:00.000Z

J dumped T last night. I heard her come in, sobbing really loudly, around 3:30am. T doesn't cry. I went out to see what was up, and apparently he took her for a walk and told her he felt crowded, which I can actually understand because she is kind of clingy.

The guy's a moron though, because he still expects her to go over and watch a movie with him tonight, like they'd planned already. I couldn't even come up with any decent platitudes to make her feel better, beyond the general "guys are idiots" type stuff.

I have a feeling last night was as bad as it'll get though. The whole time they were going out, while I knew she did really like him, I always sort of had the impression that she liked the idea of having a man again more than she actually liked J. I think she'll be fine in a day or so. The tears last night were shock more than pain, I think.

In essay news - 1136 words of 1500, with just under three hours to go. All will be well.

2002-03-26T23:41:00.000Z

Essay was chugging along on a good track, until I stopped for dinner. Then everybody invaded my room. Then my mother called me and it took me 45 minutes to unclench my fist.

Now I'm stalled at 683 words of 1500, with 13 hours, 15 minutes to go..

[soundtrack: tainted love - marilyn manson]

2002-03-26T18:51:00.000Z

I was just on the phone to Lara. I love chatting to her, she's so random, it's refreshing. I promised her that, even after I've had a real, legitimate relationship, the story I tell about losing my virginity will always be that I lost it to her on a pool table in the union.

To clarify, we were playing pool and we had to decide what to put up as bets if we lost. I put up my virginity, she put up her dignity - she won. There was no actual sex involved, but she now owns my virginity, and so I lost it to her on a pool table. I did, however, manage to win back my honour, which she won from M in a previous game.

[soundtrack: cinderella - britney]

2002-03-26T16:08:00.000Z

I got one of those forms from the university cash office today. Those forms that I don't understand, and so last year just ignored... There were no repercussions that I was aware of from not returning it, so I'm probably going to go with the same tactic again. Unless, that is, ellie has figured out how to fill them in since last year.

Theoretically, I could ask M what I'm supposed to do with it. But I hate doing that. Way to make myself feel inadequate.

My Locke essay is due tomorrow, 1pm. It has to be done on time, so I'm loaded up with Irn Bru and chocolate. Oh, and Haribo Star Mix! For non-Scottish people, learn about the drink of the goddesses that is Irn Bru here.

[soundtrack: narcissus - alanis morissette]

2002-03-24T17:48:00.000Z

I bought the Hello Kitty socks!!

[soundtrack: 21 things - alanis morissette]

2002-03-24T13:45:00.000Z

Y'know what I hate? Websites like this, that are so busy trying to be complicated and clever that it takes you about fifteen minutes to actually find anything on them!

[soundtrack: nothing ever happens - del amitri]

2002-03-22T23:51:00.000Z

{RETRACTED}

[soundtrack: i have one of the pop idol songs annoyingly in my head]

2002-03-22T16:18:00.000Z

You know what's just a tad frightening? I didn't fake it!

I'm Tick, also know as Mitzi
from the film The Adventures of Priscilla, Queen of the Desert.
I'm fun-loving, a bit jaded, perhaps, -
but always willing to strap on those heels and hit the town!
Which Hugo Weaving Character are you?

2002-03-22T16:13:00.000Z

Well, I'm currently in the midst of printing off the biggest pile of bullshit essay I've ever written. Next semester when I'm picking my extra subject I'll be a little more careful. Introduction to the Middle East. It sounds really interesting! That's why so fucking many people have taken it! And they're all as bored out of their minds as I am. Except possibly Matt, who thinks one of our lecturers is some sort of deity.

My essay reads like I'm reviewing early Islamic architecture rather than discussing its form and function...

"The portico of the Dome itself is also under reconstruction currently. Supported by richly decorated columns, it is an attractive entrance to the building."

It sounds like it should have a list of nearby hotels, and a summary of public transport facilities in the next paragraph.

[soundtrack: the boxer - simon and garfunkle]

2002-03-21T22:53:00.000Z

Tell me this. If "wherever you pray, that place is a mosque", why am I writing 1500 words on the form and function of early Islamic mosques?

[soundtrack: alright - five for fighting]

2002-03-19T22:14:00.000Z

Thanks Ellie

Which Angelina Are You?

Which Winona Are You?

Oh dear god... I love my Angelina, but I really am a Crazy Lady!

[soundtrack: superman - five for fighting]

2002-03-17T03:02:00.000Z

I'm floating somewhere just above cloud nine right now.

Our names were on the backstage guest list, thanks to Morag's friend Brenda who'd heard about tonight being cancelled and had e-mailed the theater to see if it could be arranged for us to get autographs. This lovely guy called Jacques took us backstage, showed us all the set and stuff, and then took us up to the green room (which is all blue... go figure). We sat around with these other two women who were there to meet her too, then she arrived.

She was so amazingly lovely. The first thing she said was "Where are the Scottish ladies?" and asked us if we wanted to take pictures, and have autographs. She took two photos with me, and in between the two pictures we spoke briefly, and while we were talking she had her arm around me, rubbing my back the whole time. She was just adorable, kept calling me sweetie and darling.

She was incredibly impressed by how far we'd come, and she asked me how old I was. I said I was 19, and her response was "Oh, is anybody in the world still just nineteen?"

Oh, oh OH!!! I made a joke to her about how if, next time, she wanted to work in London instead, that'd be less far for us to travel, and she laughed, but *then* she said, "Well, yes, actually, I think that's going to happen." I asked her if she could tell us any more, but she couldn't.

What else happened? I swear, it's all blurry in my head...

She signed my pictured - first the one with Robbie and Ethan, which she looked at and said "those are my boys", which was really sweet, then she was talking about how great Robbie is. So she signed my pic, then I asked her about the other one, on which she wrote "To Lindsay, go where no woman has gone before. Kate Mulgrew" She was just so lovely, and so tiny! She was gorgeous - black top, hair pulled back into a ponytail (low one this time), very little make-up, if not none, but she didn't look washed out. She's lost weight since Blackpool, if that's possible. When I put my arm around her waist this time, there was even *less* of her.

Her voice was kinda husky, you could tell she'd been pushing it. It never gave at all during the show though, she was spot on all the way through. The show was *amazing*! I think I might be alone in saying that I preferred act one to act two though. I just adored the energy of it. She threw herself around the stage - one minute she was sitting on the sofa, next she'd turned and was stretched out, then she'd get up and stalk across to another chair, sitting sideways with her legs over the arm, then she'd be lying flat on her back on the floor, all the time talking.

She walked out onstage in a swimsuit at the start of act one. She had those ridiculous heels on, camel coloured wedges, and she kept putting her feet up on the furniture, in the guise of drying her legs. I swear it was all intended to just show off her legs to the male (and female...) demographic in the audience.

Non-Kate (directly) related highlights:
* a guy in the lobby at the theater telling me he could listen to me read the phone book.
* the wonderful woman in the gift shop who was obsessed with Scottish people.
* the Hartford St. Patrick's Day Parade.
* dinner with Aileen.

And now, I must go, for I am being anti-social.

I can't believe it all really happened. It's doing that fading thing in my head already, where I'm kicking myself because I can't remember everything she said. I'm just still high. It was absolutely amazing.

2002-03-16T15:30:00.000Z

Morag's friend called the box office and told them what had happened about us coming all the way and it being cancelled. I lLOVE Morag's friend!

::Morag McGillivray and guest have been placed on the backstage guest list for the Saturday matinee. She needs to ask to see the House Manager on duty (Irene or Jim), who will escort her backstage after the performance to meet Kate. Hope she has fun!::

2002-03-16T15:12:00.000Z

THEY'VE FUCKING CANCELLED SATURDAY NIGHT!!!!!!!!!!!

2002-03-16T15:04:00.000Z

Coming to you live from New Haven, Connecticut...

We're here, and it doesn't quite seem real. Morag's family are lovely, and are being so accommodating and kind to us. We're heading into Hartford early today because apparently there's a St. Patrick's Day parade going on, and I have a feeling Little Miss "I'm Irish" may put in an appearance ;-)

The woman who sat beside me on the plane was possibly the most annoying woman ever to live, and the flight was full of Dublin firemen, but it wasn't too big a deal. Guess who was on the plane, flying economy? Ian Hislop. Woo hoo...

And standing behind us at baggage claim - Bjork! Cool, huh?

Gotta run, it's Kate time.

Btw, I bought her a SKOP ;-)

2002-03-14T01:08:00.000Z

Tomorrow I head down to London, where I'll spend one night before flying to the States for "Tea At Five". My dad and I were watching the news tonight and they were talking about how shops were opening specially at midnight tonight to sell some new kind of computer games system - the X-something. I commented on how sad it was that huge numbers of people were queueing for it, then I realised what I'm heading off to do tomorrow. It shut me up.

Mum took me out driving tonight. It was okay, but not as good as before. S warned me that I might not be able to do things in my mum's car that I could do in hers, simply because of the differences between the cars, but that wasn't the problem. It wasn't that I couldn't do things, it was that she wouldn't let me do things. She had me crawling round the carpark at a pathetic snail pace, even slower than I was going with S after only about ten minutes of driving. And she kept grabbing at the controls, saying I was going to hit things. I'm thinking I just won't drive with her again until I'm really good at it...

Anyway, I have to go do important things like read SG-1 fic ;-)

See ya after "Tea At Five" ::bounces::

2002-03-10T18:14:00.000Z

Yesterday was such a non-day. M didn't even get up until, like, 7pm. Ellie, K and I were up before 11am, but we spent the entire day sitting around doing fuck all. I didn't even get dressed. All was a little surreal.

Had a nice chat with M today while everybody was out. Pointed out to him how long it's been since we had a proper conversation too. It was nice. We're so sophisticated - we had chianti with our pasta for dinner I resisted the urge to quote Silence of the Lambs at him, as I've been doing that for the past two days.

Today's a good day. When I woke up I thought it wasn't going to be. Y'know the way you sometimes just get a feeling? But then I looked at my computer to find that three SG1 episodes I'd been downloaded had completed over night, so I watched one. Then I had a shower, and lounged in the kitchen chatting to K. I did a little work, got my driving license form filled in, had my nice chat with M, then cooked/ate dinner, did a little more work. It hasn't been a spectacular day, but I'm just in a good mood for some reason. I'm sure part of it is down to M keeping saying "I won..." really softly, like he can't believe it. It's sweet.

Right, back to work.

[soundtrack: goodnight elisabeth - counting crows]

2002-03-09T18:42:00.000Z

He did it!! He fucking did it! M is now officially VPR-elect, and last night was the biggest piss-up our house has seen since we moved in. I couldn't believe how happy I was, can't believe how happy I still am. I keep just randomly grinning at nothing.

We were in the room for the count, so we were there when it was announced, which we weren't expecting to get to do. It was so tense, I kept biting my lips, and Ellie and I both commented that we were considering taking up smoking just to give us something to distract our hands.

They took ages counting the VPR ballot papers, and it turns out that was because it was so close. He won by TEN VOTES! The elections officer was reading out the numbers, and I was trying to follow them in my head but it was so hard because of nerves and because numbers just aren't my strong suit. I was sitting on Ellie's knee, right beside M, everybody was all gathered round about him like that, and when they called out that he'd won there was a moment of silence while we took it in, then we all just jumped (or more like fell in my case) on him. I'm surprised he wasn't crushed!

I couldn't stop hugging him. Everybody was hugging him, and shaking his hand, and patting him on the back etc. I just kept going back to him and hugging him again, and saying "You did it. You won," over and over again. It was utter shock. Then we all headed back to our house and basically got very very drunk, then walked to the all night garage. M was wrapped in his bright green banner the whole time, it was so funny.

Oh, and Lara and I did a lap of victory round Gatty, despite the fact that she didn't win. She still got more votes than any joke candidate has got before, so she was pretty happy. She signed one of her campaign posters for me, so I have the first autograph. It's up on my wall. I'm going to get M to autograph one of his to go with it.

I'm so, so, SO happy. And relieved. And fucking thrilled!!

[soundtrack: shiny happy people - rem]

2002-03-08T18:57:00.000Z

The election is over. Well, campaigning is over anyway. The results won't be in until around 1am, by which time Alt Soc (where K is DJ-ing tonight) should be just about over and we'll all be heading back here to either get pissed in celebration or get pissed in commisseration. M has said that if he doesn't win he won't be coming home, which is exactly what I expected. I'm not going to look for him this time, I'm going to stay home and drink cheap wine instead because I'm useless in situations like that.

[soundtrack: poison - alice cooper]

2002-03-07T14:46:00.000Z

Note to self: Stop taking random days off uni. Your rant to Crystalship will lose effectiveness if they find out.

[soundtrack: the new alanis album has been on repeat for four hours]

2002-03-07T02:15:00.000Z

Y'know the way you just sometimes don't feel like communicating for days at a time? I feel that way now. Mostly from apathy, and also partly from the uber-cold I have (thanks a lot for that, btw, Ellie).

The weekend with Laura was really great. It's so lovely to get to spend some time with her, just relaxing and stuff. It seems like when you talk online, as much as it's great to do all the chatting, it's hard to just spend time with somebody without feeling like you have to talk all the time. This weekend though, we watched a bunch of TV and movies (Remo Williams, baby!), ate junk food, and just hung out. S was being kinda odd though. Quiet, and kind of withdrawn. At first I wondered if she thought Laura and I were leaving her out, because I know Laura better than she does, but I don't think that happened, to be honest. I asked her if she was okay on Sunday morning, and she said she was fine, so I guess I just have to trust that it's my neuroses again, and there's not actually anything wrong.

This whole blogging thing's bad for me, because if there's anybody who doesn't need to spend any more time actively analysing themselves, it's me. Swear to God.

Watched "Jay and Silent Bob Strike Back" tonight over at Letch's place. Kind of amusing, if infantile. I do not, however, plan to ever watch it in the presence of M. Eliza Dushku in a PVC catsuit. His reaction to that, I do NOT need to see.

Sleep, such a waste of time. But it calls to me.

[soundtrack: every me, every you - placebo]

2002-03-01T02:04:00.000Z

We have jobs!!! Ellie and I have jobs for the summer now, working at Frankenstein's Wax Museum in Lake George, NY.

It's quite unbelievable that we've actually managed to get our summer organised so early and quickly. Mall applied for loads of jobs last year before she got one, and she's infinitely more qualified for... well... everything, than we are. We must just have beginner's luck or something, because the guy seems pretty enthusiastic about hiring us.

In other happy news, Laura arrives tomorrow for four whole days! It'll be so nice to see her again, and get to spend a decent amount of time with her. Morag and I will see her again the day before Hartford, but that'll just be for a quick lunch or something.

The downside of today was the realisation of how much work I have to do in an incredibly short time. While Laura's here I'll have to find time to do an LM1006 sheet on formal logic and also write a one page summary/justification of the Theory of Forms (which, btw, I think is a load of crap).

As Teanna said, you can't always read Kant.

Sometimes they make you read Plato.

[soundtrack: i can hear that new kylie song coming from the radio in the kitchen]

2002-02-23T16:12:00.000Z

I was planning to be really productive today. I got up at a reasonable time, D made apple crumble for breakfast... Don't know why she did it, but it was nice of her. Then I got sidetracked. So I did my washing, which was one of the productive things I wanted to do, but now instead of sorting out work deadlines etc. I'm here blogging.

It's only 4:09pm though, and we don't need to go out 'til 6:40pm or so, so I've got over two hours to do something useful, like arrange my life. Oh, and I have a beta to do as well.

"You're a master of time-suckage." <--- a paraphrase of Lelaina, 'Reality Bites.'

[soundtrack: 99 red balloons - nena]

2002-02-22T19:42:00.000Z

In the saga of the Docs, it has been discovered that putting elastoplast on my heels and wearing three pairs of socks makes them wearable. Fingers crossed at some point I'll be able to wear less socks with them...

Had a pretty good night last night at the flat with the gals, and Suz's man (+ his best mate). Very drunken, which was quite good 'cause I haven't been drunk for ages, and it can just be such a laugh. I hate being hit on by hot men with girlfriends though! And do you know how hard it is to convince a guy that when you've just said "I think we should go to bed now" that you mean separately.

Oh well, fun night. It was nice to chat with my Shivvy, too. Sometimes (when you get enough alcohol in me), I really like to just chat openly about stuff. I wish I was better at it though. I really have to be asked things, I don't just come out with things, which is why people think I'm inaccessible. Really I'm not, I just don't tend to volunteer things. I don't hide things though.

::shrugs::

Out bopping with my McBuffy chick tonight. Whee!! It's been so long, really. Must go shower, because I smell. I've been wearing the same clothes since 7pm yesterday. Ugh.

[soundtrack: walk on- U2]

2002-02-21T00:12:00.000Z

Went to see Ocean's Eleven tonight in Dundee. It was good, very slick and with some interesting camera angles. And oh, George Clooney and Brad Pitt. On the same screen. Together.

There is a God.

The movie could perhaps have done with a little more comedy to it, because some of the heist stuff just got a little on the mechanical side at times, but mostly it was great. I don't know why Julia Roberts is even in it though, because her screen-time is practically non-existant.

Other than that, I've been reading fic and waiting for Teachers to come on. Ten minutes to go. Thanks to Christine for the fic rec - Teanna has some great stuff, which has kept me occupied for much of my free time tonight.

The Docs are still hurting, but not as badly now that I have plasters on my heels, and am wearing three pairs of socks with them. Trying to walk into town and back with them on today, with just one pair of socks as well, was just stupid. Won't be doing that again.

[soundtrack: bohemian like you - the dandy warhols]

2002-02-20T01:23:00.000Z

The Doc Martins that I've been trying to break in by wearing them round the house while I've been cleaning etc. tonight are starting to really chafe around my ankles. They were going fine to begin with, and the optimist in me started to think they weren't going to hurt at all - wishful thinking. I might torture myself by wearing them all day tomorrow, 'cause I really want them to fit before Hartford.

Yup, that's right, I'm off to Hartford. Morag and I are seeing Tea At Five on Saturday March 16th. I'm ecstatic, but I feel bad for the people who want to go and can't, so I'm trying not to enthuse too much, especially to Shiv. I know she really wanted to go, but can't make it, and it's strange because usually she's the person to whom I'd babble about Kate related things for hours. I don't feel like I can do that this time. Not because I don't think she'd be receptive, because I know she's happy for me, but just because I'd feel like I was rubbing in the fact that I was carrying out our plans without her.

The rest of my house have gone to bed unusually early tonight, so I'm left the only one awake, drinking disgusting cold coffee because I can't be bothered getting up and walking to the kitchen in my painful shoes to make any more nice hot stuff. The excitements of student life...

We have to hand in the forms for accommodation on Friday, and we still don't have a sixth flatmate. In fact, it looks likely that Diane's going to pull out completely, taking us down to four people, with which we have next to no chance of getting a house here again. If she changes her mind and doesn't come in with us I'm not sure what we'll do, but there's no point in worrying about that until I can speak to her again, which I can't do until tomorrow.

I have a million fic idea, but lack the motivation to write any of them. That annoys me even more than when I want to write and can't think of anything, because it just seems like such a waste. I bought a new Dar William's CD the other day, and there's a song on it called "If I Wrote You" that's just screaming out to be a part of the J/C idea I came up with in Tenerife. Perhaps I'll get something jotted down tomorrow, since I only have one lecture all day.

Anyway, I have an urge for some morose Trek fic, so I'm off on a little fic-hunting spree. If anybody's got any recs, I always love suggestions...

[soundtrack: another first kiss - they might be giants]

2002-02-18T20:12:00.000Z

You're a dangerous person -- very ambitious, self-aware and self-reliant. You know what your strengths are and how best to use them to your advantage, and you know what your weaknesses are and how to downplay them. You can either be a great leader or a great tyrant, but you'll definitely be great. Chances are you're also very sarcastic.

Get Sorted!

I have never read Harry Potter, so I have no idea what this means.

[soundtrack: are you out there - dar williams]

2002-02-13T18:57:00.000Z

I'm back and I'm alive! I haven't blogged in ages, and I've missed it, but I've been having a great time. Got my 'net connection back (will explain later), so this is a quick I-didn't-die-in-Tenerife message.

Oh, and exam results - 17 for Moral Philosophy, two 16s for my two Logic & Metaphysics modules, and a 9 for Psychology, which just made me laugh with happiness that I didn't fail! I've officially dropped it now though, it's off my timetable, never have to do it again ::bounces::

In other news, S and I are planning to jet off to Hartford weekend after next to see Kate Mulgrew in "Tea At Five". Yes, we need our heads examined, and no, we don't care.

[soundtrack: hold on - sarah mclachlan]

2002-02-01T14:45:00.000Z

So, in an hour and fifteen minutes S is coming to pick me up, and we're heading for the sun... I can almost feel it already. This is so what I need right now.

I've spent the morning packing, and I think I'm ready now. Well, I say morning. I really mean what was left of the morning when I got up around 11:30am... Went out with GG last night, for the first time, and it was great. Sometimes meeting people from online for the first time in RL can be awkward, I run out of things to say because I don't feel comfortable enough with them to just babble with them the way I do with people I know well, etc. but that didn't happen with GG and I. Often I've said to my friends that the way you can know that you're one of my close friends is that I talk utter shit to you.

You know what I'm going to miss this week while I'm in Tenerife? Fic! I've got some printed out ones with me, because I already had them printed and stuck in my diary - "And Cupid Laughed" by JHJ Armstrong (XF); "Contrition" by Michelle Masterson (Voy - that one never dies, does it Christine?) and "Ruthless" by Laura (TWW). They'll have to do.

And now I must go shower, and get ready to leave.

Adieu.

[soundtrack: crash and burn - savage garden]

2002-01-31T18:59:00.000Z

Thanks for this Truly.

What Psych-Ward do you belong to?

2002-01-30T21:14:00.000Z

So my mother was right. I hate to ever be forced to say that, but it's true.

I shouldn't say "I don't care" when what I really mean is "I don't mind."

I suck.

And with that out of the way... what to say?

I went and got Euros today for Tenerife. Packed a little... I want to finish "The Smoke Jumper" before I go away because it's a hardcover and it'll be a pain in the ass to take with me if I'm not done with it, so really I should be reading it now. "Sex and the City" is coming on at 10pm and, y'know, can't possibly miss my dose of pseudo-porn and general feeling-of-inadequacy-provider ::g::

Anyway, now that I'm at home I have to relinquish the 'net to my mother now. Remind me why I taught her how to use it again...?

[soundtrack: poor misguided fool - starsailor]

2002-01-29T01:49:00.000Z

My exams are over!!! Holy freakin' YES!!!!

I felt so sick this morning, I'm not sure why. I was fine when I woke up, but by the time I got to the exam hall I actually thought I might pass out. Then when I got inside and sat down, trying to fill in the little registration card and front cover of the exam paper, I couldn't remember my term address. Seriously. My hands were shaking. It all came back to me eventually, but it was creepy. It wasn't nerves, either, because I wasn't worried about metaphysics.

The wind was hellish here today. Seriously blowing a gale. Ellie and I were going to go into Dundee, but the bridges were closed so there was no way across the Tay to get there. I'm thinking I might swing by tomorrow morning before I go home. Grouchos, the greatest CD shop ever, is there, and I want to scout around before I head home.

Oh, and hey, Tenerife on Friday! The sun, baby!!

Watched Priscilla, Queen of the Desert with Ellie and D tonight - that movie freakin' rocks. Perhaps the new, still-as-yet-unbuilt site needs a Priscilla theme... If I didn't suck so badly at all kinds of graphics type things I could so be finished that thing by now. I can't afford the domain at the moment anyway though, so it doesn't really matter.

Anyway, should sleeeeeeeep so I can get up and buy pressies for myself tomorrow ;-)

No more exams 'til MAY!

2002-01-25T02:11:00.000Z

I told KS today that I was planning to leave the library when I was either (a) unbearably hungry or (b) in danger of my head exploding. Her response was to suggest that as least if my head exploded I could eat my brain matter so I didn't also end up unbearably hungry.

By 12:30pm tomorrow psych will be over. For me, over forever, for KS it'll at least be over for the next two weeks. We're going to have a mini party at lunchtime. Ellie and I are meant to have haggis tomorrow as it's Burns' Day, but KS is a vegetarian so she says she's going to watch us eat haggis. I want to go all 'traditional Burns' and do the Address to the Haggis, and read Tam O' Shanter with a glass of whiskey by candle light, but I can't see the rest of my flat going for that. Especially not at lunch time...

Oh well, I should get back to the Posner experiments, beside which KS has written 'cheese prankster' in brackets. I really should ask her if that's relevant to anything.

Addendum - LM1005 this morning. Was fine. One of the arguments we had to analyse was this:

"A kiss may be grand but it won't pay the rental on your hunble flat, or help you at the automat. Men grow cold as girls grow old, and we all lose our charms in the end. But square-cut or pear-shape these rocks don't lose their shape. Diamonds are a girls best friend."

Methinks whoever made up the paper had been watching Moulin Rouge... I said it was invalid, btw.

2002-01-23T00:11:00.000Z

Health psychology was the order of today. Apparently, you don't work as well when you're very stressed, although a little stress improves performance - the stress/performance graph is an upside down parabola.

I always wanted to know that... ::yawn::

Today was so exhausting, just spending the whole day studying. I haven't been out of the house, or for that matter our of my pyjamas, all day, but just lying on my bed thinking has got me wiped out enough that I'm going to do the unbelievable for me and be in bed before 1am. I did some other useful things that needed to get done though, like filling out my student loan form, punching holes in all the pages of the Jitterbug Perfume series and putting them in a binder...

Okay, so not everything I did was important. It's amazing how much stuff you do during exam time that you just wouldn't ever think to do at other times.

Anyway, I'm going to go to bed while I'm still tired enough to do it without the aid of nytol.

[soundtrack: what do you hear in these sounds - dar williams]

2002-01-23T00:01:00.000Z

Apparently, I'm Cheerbear...

See what Care Bear you are.

Thanks for this one, Seema. Cute, huh?